Assertive Communication – a key factor for healthy, happy relationships, in your job, in your personal relationships, and everywhere else.
Being assertive is a key communication skill. Being assertive means that you express yourself effectively and stand up for your point of view, while also respecting the rights and beliefs of others. Assertive communication is the ability to express positive and negative ideas and feelings in an open, honest, and direct way.
Relationships in general have a lot to do with communication. The other person won’t have a chance to know what is going on inside of you if you don’t share with them. Mis-communication can create stress in your life.
There are different communication styles.
There is passive, aggressive, passive-aggressive, manipulative, and assertive communication.
Which communication style do you believe you are closest to right now?
Talking is only a small part of communication. Nonverbal behaviors play a big role in communication as these are signals a person sends and these are crucial to the success of assertive communication. Non-verbal communication include eye-contact, body posture, personal space, gestures, facial expressions, tone of voice, inflection of voice, vocal volume, timing, smiling, head nodding.
Practicing the skill of Assertive Communication:
- Be factual, not judgmental, about what you don’t like
- Be accurate, don’t judge or exaggerate about the effects of behavior
- Use “I Messages”
- Make sure your body reflects confidence: Stand up straight, look people in the eye, and relax
- Use a firm, but pleasant, tone
- Don’t assume you know what the other person’s motives are, especially if you think they are negative
- When in a discussion, don’t forget to listen and ask questions. It’s important to understand the other person’s point of view as well
- Try to think win-win: see if you can find a compromise or a way where both of you get your needs met
Some questions to think about that help determine how passive, assertive, are aggressive you are:
- Do you say something when you think someone is unfair?
- Do you find it difficult to make decisions?
- Do you openly criticize the ideas, opinions, and behavior of others?
- If someone takes your place in line do you speak up?
- Do you avoid people or events for fear of embarrassment?
- Do you have confidence in your ability to make decisions?
- Do you have a tendency to “fly off the handle?”
- Do you insist that the people who live with you share chores?
- Are you able to say “no” when someone is pressuring you to buy or to do something?
- Do you continue to argue with someone after they have had enough?
- Are you reluctant to express your thoughts or feelings during a discussion or debate?
- If someone is overdue in returning something that they have borrowed from you do you bring it up?
